


What You Have to Save

by Winterling42



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Canon-Typical Violence, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28518537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterling42/pseuds/Winterling42
Summary: Nott hears about Yeza's kidnapping over the radio. The Nein's plan to figure out who took him and what they want? Well, she'll have to go undercover. And since there's no way Caleb will let her go alone....
Relationships: Nott | Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 19
Kudos: 28





	1. Prologue

She finds out about the kidnapping over the radio. 

Caduceus’s shop is a terrible place to paint your nails—it’s too humid, there’s leaves that smear the nail polish everywhere, and he’s always got an old alarm clock hooked up to the local NPR station. The clock part of it doesn’t work anymore, no matter how often Nott tinkers with it. It can listen to police frequencies now, though. 

There’s four of them in the Grove today: Nott and Jester and Caleb and Caduceus. Caduceus because he runs the place, nominally speaking. Nott and Caleb are done ‘busking’ for today. Gullible tourists aren’t hard to come by in this town, if you know the right streets. And Jester doesn’t have class until this evening. 

“It’s my first _nude drawing class_ you guys, I’m _super_ excited!” Jester grins at the rest of them, waving one hand in the air to help it dry. “I hope we have a ton of super hot models, and maybe one of them will like, catch my eye from across the room. And he’ll catch up with me after class, and ask me _out_ , and we’ll fall awfully in love.” She sighs, not because she’s hoping for a date, but because she likes the _idea_ of hoping for a date. 

Nott smiles toothily back at her. “Jester, aren’t like half the guys at school already in love with you?” 

“Yes but they’re no fun.” Jester pouts, examining her almost-finished nails with a critical eye. “All they want to do is like, drink lots of alcohol and make out.” She sticks out her tongue. “ _Boring_.” 

That’s when she hears it. “ _An unusual crime scene in Felderwin Tillage, just outside of Pasadena—”_

“I don’t know about this color scheme,” Caduceus says, looking worriedly at the alternating pink and green he’s picked out. “It’s more...neon than I thought it would be.” 

Nott scowls and drops to the ground, ducking under the table to get closer to the shitty little radio. _“Several days ago local man Yeza Brenatto was taken from his home in this beautiful suburban neighborhood. Police still have not managed to find the kidnappers or their demands, though we are being told it is most certainly gang related activity. It’s hard to picture such violence visiting a place like this.”_ A familiar voice plays over the reporter. Nott is now standing inches away from the clock, staring like the flashing green numbers will teleport her to the scene. 

_“Yes, we look out for each other around here, everyone knows it. Tight knit community. You don’t see those anymore these days! Hard to imagine what they wanted with him. Poor Yeza...”_ Nott can just _see_ Edith standing there, shaking her head sadly as she goes on about the good old days. 

The reporter cuts back in. _“Mr. Brenatto was the sole caretaker of his son, Luc. As pressure mounts to discover what happened here, we can only hope that the young boy will be reunited with his father very soon.”_

The radio clicks off. For the first time since she’s ever been in the Grove, it is absolutely silent. Nott turns around to see the others crowded close behind her. She doesn’t realize she’s crying until Caleb reaches out to brush his thumb gently over her cheek. 

“Pasadena,” Jester says nervously. “That’s where you used to live, right?” 

“You knew them,” Caduceus says. It’s not a question. 

Nott nods anyway. 

***

She doesn’t want to have to explain it more than once, so they gather everybody at the Grove over the next few hours. Or, more accurately, at the apartment above the shop. Cad’s place is the only one big enough to fit everybody, and even then it’s tight quarters. 

The man’s house smells like weed and patchouli; it’s always been too strong to be pleasant for Nott, but the others don’t seem to mind. There are plenty of mismatched chairs and two couches, one of which she helped rescue from a dumpster. The light comes in green and gold, through sheer curtains patterned with insects that Caduceus swears are homemade. He won’t say by whom.

With all of them here, it’s stuffy. There’s a creaky rotating floor fan buzzing in one corner, and the AC coughing out cold air every now and then. Nott fancies she can pick out each of the Nein by smell alone, in this funk. The “Mighty Nein'' are an unofficial crew, a bunch of assholes that she does jobs with sometimes when rent is tight and the Gentleman is offering more than what she and Caleb can make on the street. Ever since the Iron Shepherds job, they’re the closest thing she has to a family.

“So what’s all this about a kidnapping?” Beau has her feet up on the coffee table, wearing an electric blue sports bra and loose gray yoga pants. She looks like she ran the whole way here, and also like she could run another ten miles no problem. 

Nott’s been biting at her nails for the past eighty minutes, despite all the times Caleb put his hand over hers so that she realized it and stopped. Now she picks stubbornly at a hangnail and ignores the ache underneath. “So, remember when I said I...used to know someone in Pasadena?” 

Jester nods eagerly and leans forward. Yasha breathes in slowly, crossing her arms. Mostly, Nott is looking at Caleb, who hasn’t been farther than a foot away from her since Caduceus turned off the radio. “It was...a little bit more than that.” Nott takes a deep breath, folds her hands carefully in her lap. “My name was Veth Brenatto.” 

Fjord chokes on the water he was drinking. Beau sits back in her overstuffed armchair, her eyes wide.

Caleb’s hands tremble, until he hides it by clutching his arms. He looks at her like he used to look at everyone else— sideways, at the wall behind her or the arm of the chair. He looks _awful_ , like he might collapse at any moment under the weight of just _feelings_. He feels everything so deeply, does Caleb. 

“Some of you heard,” Nott looks around at Jester, at Caduceus. Both of them nod, Jester furiously and Cad with a little more grace. It’s hard to fluster him. “Yeza, he’s—he was my husband. Luc was my son.” She hasn’t said it out loud before. The past tense. It hurts like a knife, like acid spilled and eating at the inside of her ribs. “A few years ago...not very long, I guess, though it feels like a long time. Anyway. A few years ago, there was—we were downtown. We were going to see a movie, I think. Me and Yeza and Luc. Make a night of it.” The words keep spilling out, and it’s terrible but she can’t help thinking, _these aren’t my words. I’m not Veth. I don’t have any right to this_.

“We ran into...well, you know, the Goblins are still working out in East LA. Some of them stopped—tried to stop us. I know, it was stupid, but. We ran, and Yeza was holding Luc and it was _dark_ and I thought—God, what if we die tonight?” She has to stop for a moment. Remember to breathe, no matter how shakily. “So when there was a chance, I split up. I grabbed a broken bottle or something, threw it right back at them, and ran the other way. They chased me. They _caught_ me. I’d gotten one of them with the glass, cut him up all over his face. Oh they did _not_ like that.” Nott touches the notches in her ears. The way her lip pulls up tighter on one side. Of course, most of the damage they’d done was harder to see. 

“I did a lot of things. With them, to them. By the time I got away...it’d be more like turning myself in than getting rescued, to go to the cops.” 

Caduceus’ curtains have some kind of beadwork, she’d never noticed before. The dragonflies have yellow beads for eyes, and some kind of glasswork in their wings. Nott picks at her hangnail again, itching to take apart just one bug to see what it's made of. 

“So now you know. Sometimes I think I dreamed it, being Veth. I feel like I’m getting worse every day, like Nott is all there is and there was never a nice girl who got married to her high school sweetheart and—” she stops. Finally looks around at all these people, criminals and thieves and worse. All of them have helped her, accepted her for what she was. And of course there’s no going back to the way it was before. 

“I feel like we can fix this,” Jester says, more seriously than Nott has ever heard Jester say anything. “Nott—Veth. We can fix this.” Nott just looks at her, the Russian princess art student. But Jester has never lied to her, not about things that matter. 

“Well to start with,” Caduceus rumbles, straightening up from his lean on the kitchen door frame. “We’ll have to find Yeza.”


	2. The Plan

It’s Jester who comes up with the plan. 

From anyone else, Nott would have laughed and brushed it aside. But she won’t laugh at Jester, her fellow detective and best friend. When Jester suggests someone ought to go undercover in her old neighborhood to find out who took Yeza, she has to take it seriously. 

Oh, and she won’t be going by herself. 

“It would look suspicious, right, someone moving into that neighborhood alone?” Jester is doodling something on her tablet, stopping every now and then to hold it up and look at the overall picture critically. “Even if they don’t recognize you—”

“They won’t.” Nott doesn’t have to think about her answer. For one thing, she’s got tattoos on her face. She knows everyone in that neighborhood, knows how quick they are to form a picture of someone. The problem won’t be someone recognizing her. The problem will be stopping them from calling the cops on her. 

“Even if they _don’t_ , it would be _weird_ for someone to move in by themselves.” Jester continues, looking up at Nott from under her extremely blue eyeshadow. “You’re going to have to be _with_ somebody.” 

Nott immediately thinks of Caleb. He’s whip-smart, he’s surprisingly good at schmoozing when he sets his mind to it, and, well. He’s handsome. Unlike her. 

“When you say ‘together,’ you don’t mean—” 

“I think you should get married!” Jester grins and flips around her tablet, where she’s been busy drawing Nott in a wedding dress. It’s a lovely dress, she’ll admit, with a deep V neckline and a row of buttons down the side, fanning out into a pattern on the train. 

“Who exactly should I get married to?” Nott demands, but she can’t help but smile back. Jester inspires that in people. “Who would _want_ to? I can’t just go up to the Gentleman and say ‘oh, hi sir, also is there anyone who wants to get fake married to me for a few days while we find information about my _real_ husband getting kidnapped by who knows what!’” 

Jester exchanges looks with Beau, who also grins, and Fjord, who shrugs. Nott narrows her eyes at both of them. “As much as I would _love_ to go,” Fjord drawls, and instantly Nott’s hackles are up, “I’ll be the first to admit it’s not the kinda neighborhood I’m used to.” 

“You aren’t scared of a _backyard barbecue_ , are you Fjord?” Nott snipes back, just to see Fjord give her that Look. The one that says he’d like to break her in half, except he won’t. He’s just too easy to tease. 

“And as much as _I’d_ like to go,” Beau butts in, rolling her eyes at both of them, “and I sure as hell have the suburban experience—it’d be easier to blend in if it was a dude.” And she looks pointedly at Caleb. 

Nott looks at him too, which she’s been avoiding for the past half an hour. He’s been terribly quiet ever since the radio turned off, and she’s frankly terrified of what he’ll say when he finally speaks. She’s a liar, and a fraud (even more than he knew). She’s a murderer and a thief, and he’ll be right to turn her out. 

Caleb looks at Beau for a long moment, a leather band wrapped too tightly through his fingers. Slowly, he starts to unwind it, looking down again. “ _Ja_ , it makes sense. As ironic as it is, I am the one with the best guise of respectability when it comes down to it.” 

“Perfect!” Jester crows, jumping up out of her seat. “I’ll get you guys all the stuff you need, fake names and driver’s licenses and! And _wedding papers_ , and I can think of all your _backstories_ —”

“Jester, you don’t have to go _too_ overboard on this.” Nott says, a little desperately. Caleb still won’t look at her. “I’ll just be Mrs. Widogast, and it’ll only be for a few days. We’re not going to need a fake marriage license.” She _absolutely_ ignores the way her heart flips over at the name. 

Jester holds her tablet tight to her chest, grinning so widely that her eyes were crinkled almost shut. “Okaaaaaaay if you’re _sure_...” 

“It will be fine,” Caleb says. But he sounds mostly like he’s trying to convince himself. 

Yasha snorts and pushes her hair out of her face. “What’s the worst that could happen?”


	3. The Location

They don’t actually have the money to buy a house, of course. Certainly not in a gated community like Felderwin, though this isn’t the crazy rich part of town. The lawns are a normal yellow-green, partly dead in the California summer. At the corner of Apple Street and Rye there’s a group of kids running through a sprinkler. Nott leans up on her car door to keep watching them as they turn, wondering with a sharp pang where Luc is right now. If he’s scared. 

There’s a real estate agent waiting for them outside the house. A ‘For Sale’ sign stuck in the yard. Nott stays frozen so long that Caleb comes around and opens the door for her. He leans down to whisper to her, “Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine, Caleb,” Nott whispers back, but she feels like she’s losing something when he pulls away. They haven’t _talked_ , not really. The smile he pastes on for the agent is no realer than the way he casually reaches out to take her hand. He squeezes firmly, and she squeezes back. Even if it’s not real, it makes her feel better.

The agent is a broad-shouldered man with slick black hair and a smile too wide for his face. He reminds Nott too much of the mobsters in the Evening Nip to make her comfortable, but he shakes her hand very politely, introduces himself as Mr. Gluzzo. He unlocks the front door and shows them in like they belong, and only stares for a moment at Nott’s face. She does not manage to suppress the instinct to snarl at him with her crooked teeth. 

To his credit, Gluzzo doesn’t flinch. “It’s technically listed as a three bedroom,” he says calmly, nice shoes clicking on the tile floor. “But the third room would make a perfect study or work room for a smaller family.” 

Caleb tugs her into the living room, lit with big bay windows on two sides. “How against the idea of a fireplace are you?” he asks her, pointing with their linked hands. “Does it work?” That he directs to Gluzzo, who follows them into the room like a suited shadow. 

“It does. Set up as a gas burning stove right now, but the chimney is fully functional.”

Caleb grins down at her and bumps her side with his. Either his enthusiasm is catching, or Nott is beginning to get into character. She makes a face at him and lets go to scramble up onto the deep windowsill. “Right! I’m going to need a list of references, but off the top of your head: Where’s the closest school? Is there a neighborhood playground? What’s the traffic like on this street in particular? How often do the street lights get replaced? And we’re going to need a very good look at that kitchen.” 

“I’m...of course.” Gluzzo looks between Caleb and her for a moment, his own practiced smile twitching just the tiniest bit. “I was under the impression...do you already have a kid?” 

Nott says, “No,” at the _exact same time_ that Caleb says, “Yes.” They both say it loudly enough that there’s no mistaking them, and for a moment she forgets Caleb is mad with her—she looks straight at him. And for a moment he forgets something, too, because he’s looking back. Their eyes meet for a dizzying moment, and it’s like nothing has changed between them. It’s just the two of them against the world. 

Caleb turns to Gluzzo. “We are working on paperwork for a foster child. So technically both are correct. I am just overeager; having grown up in the system myself, to provide a safe home.” He turns on the farm-boy charm he has sometimes, until she can almost see the fucking twinkle in his eyes.

“Oh, of course.” Gluzzo doesn’t even pretend not to be charmed. “I completely understand. Mrs. Widogast, I would love to answer some of your questions—you mentioned wanting to see the kitchen?” He gestures further into the house, past the stairs for the second floor. And it’s silly, because they’re faking the down payment on this house for a scam, but Nott feels her heart grow anyway. 

She hops down from the windowsill and starts after him. Caleb catches her arm and bends down to whisper, “I’m sorry. I know we didn’t say anything about that.” 

“Yeah, what the _Hell_?” Nott hisses. Gluzzo is already down the hallway, turning on lights as he goes. Flicking imaginary dust off of the railing. “Now we have to find a _kid_ , Caleb!” 

“I thought there might be one you wanted to see,” Caleb says, very seriously. Nott feels claws catch in her throat, as sharp as Frumpkin’s. 

“Caleb—” 

“We know your son is being held by child services right now. Since Jester is already making us fake wedding photos, I thought she might be okay with some duller forgery.” 

Nott wraps her arms around him and buries her head in his shoulder so he won’t see her cry. It’s ruined by the wet patch on his jacket, but Caleb doesn’t say anything. Just holds her, very tightly. Kisses the side of her head.

After a second Nott pulls herself together. Takes a few deep breaths, until she can do it without feeling a sob hitching underneath it. She pulls back to wipe her eyes, smiling her crooked smile up at him. “That sounds...really good.” 

“I thought it might.” Caleb squeezes her shoulder and pulls away. More loudly, he adds, “Now let’s see about that kitchen. And do you know, sir, if there are any bookshelves built into the rooms?”


	4. Chapter 4

Luc was sitting criss-cross apple-sauce on the squeaky plastic chair in a waiting room. There was a play table in one corner with beads that went up and down on colored wires, but that was for _little_ kids. He put his hand in a jacket pocket, to touch the Lego man he’d managed to put in there. 

But Mrs. Spinelli would take it away if she saw it, and it was _his_ , from _home_. So he sat and rocked back and forth, making different noises come out of the chair, until a grown-up sat down across from him.

He said his name was Mr. Caleb. That he wanted Luc to stay with him for a while. Mrs. Spinelli told Luc to look up when someone was talking to him. 

Mr. Caleb had friendly eyes, and long red hair held back in a pony-tail like a girl. Luc looked at him even though he didn’t want to. Reached into his pocket again to touch the Lego man. 

“I want to go home?” He looked hopefully at Mrs. Spinelli, who shook her head. Mr. Caleb leaned back in his chair (it squeaked loudly). 

“I— _we_ are going to get you back home soon.” Mr. Caleb said, after a heavy pause. Mrs. Spinelli shook her head again. “But you will stay at my house for a little while. Me and my—wife, will be happy to look after you. And it’s close to home, so you’ll know where you are.” 

“I want to go _home!_ ” Luc had been very quiet over the past few days. He’d done everything the grown-ups said, even when they took him away from Edith and his _house_ and his _dad_ and—Mrs. Spinelli wasn’t very nice and her house smelled like old ladies, and Luc didn’t like it there but he didn’t want to go someplace _new_ and he didn’t even _know_ Mr. Caleb and—

Everything kind of came out in a scream. The floor was cold, even through his coat, but it felt so good to _hit_ something. Luc knew he was being bad and he _didn’t care_. Someone yanked on his arm but he rolled away. The grownups said something over his head. He didn’t care. 

He pretended not to notice Mr. Spinelli’s heels clacking away across the floor, the door opening and slamming closed again. Luc raised his voice to make sure someone _heard_ him. He thought they’d both left until he felt a cautious hand on his back.

At first he flinched away, startled into looking. Mr. Caleb was crouched on the floor like a frog, with his knees up to his shoulders. He was very quiet, but when Luc looked at him he ran his hand up and down Luc’s back. 

“It’s been a very long few days, hasn’t it?” Mr. Caleb said, when Luc was too surprised to do more than stare. “And very few choices.” He leaned in a little bit, rocking forward on his flat feet. “I would be in a similar state, in your place.” 

Thinking about it all over again, Luc felt his face scrunching up. He wiped angrily at his face, and it was all so _much_. He threw himself forward, burrowing into Mr. Caleb’s sweater. “I want my Daddy,” Luc cried, and even though he knew better, “I want my Mama!” 

Mr. Caleb didn’t actually do anything. Part of Luc knew neither of his parents were going to walk through the door and make everything better. His Mama had been dead for a long time now. His Daddy would have picked him up and held him _so_ tight. Said, “I miss her too,” and cried in his quiet way, and made them both hot chocolate just the way Mama liked it. 

All Luc had now was a scratchy sweater and a grownup he didn’t really know, but at least Mr. Caleb didn’t shout at him or pull on his arm. Mr. Caleb sat down with a _thump_ , and ran his hand up and down Luc’s back. Up and down, not quite as good as a hug. Let Luc cry all over his sweater and didn’t say anything until Luc was so tired he just kind of...curled up in Mr. Caleb’s lap. 

“I cannot fix the big things,” Mr. Caleb said, very quietly. His voice had more of a burr to it when Luc could feel it on his cheek. “Though I will try. For now, how about we get out of this popsicle stand, _ja_?” 

Luc giggled, and Mr. Caleb laughed too. Got to his feet with Luc still in his arms, and took him home.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr at [critical-ramblings](https://www.critical-ramblings.tumblr.com)!


End file.
